Self-Care Sunday: Letting Go of the Negative People in Your Life



You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people. -Joel Osteen

Have you ever cut people out of your life then welcomed them back in, only to be reminded of why you cut them loose in the first place? That has definitely been me this week. For a good four years I have had limited contact with someone in my life, but out of familial obligation/guilt, I began conversing with them again on a minimal level via text message. For the most part the last couple of weeks have been without issue, however on Friday was the first major showing of why the relationship had been strained in the first place: because of their negativity.

Reigniting a potentially toxic relationship will quickly remind you that it wasn't just you, but that you had legitimate concerns and chose to walk away to maintain your sanity and well-being. While I ended contact with them in a less than humble manner, my decision was perhaps one of the greatest decisions I ever made in my life. I was able to make major decisions without their influence. I have been able to start a business and be encouraged without their determent. I learned a long time ago in my 20s to limit what I tell certain people as to not give them fuel to discourage me, however, even that sometimes is not enough. When you don't provide the fuel they need to be negative, they automatically try to rope you into their own personal hell playing the "woe is me" card and acting like the victim instead of the victor in their situation.

I am a firm believer in the power of words. You can utilize words to speak hope into existence or you can use your words to cause darkness and decay. I am also a firm believer that if you are miserable in your own life, and haven't made any necessary steps to change it, you are obsessed with your own misery. Of course there are things that you may not be able to change, but I believe that you should then change your attitude which will effect your day-to-day contentment. Because I believe both of these things, it is counterproductive and downright depressing to be around people who are always saying something negative whether it be about my life or theirs. When you keep a negative person around they slowly sow seeds of doubt and discord in your life until one day you wake up to your own misery and demise. Sometime the process is even faster; you can already be at the end of your rope and that person will take a pair of scissors and cut off the last bit you have left; you might be a the edge of a break and someone will help push you off.

Cutting out the negativity in your life is vital to self-care. We are battered by life enough that we don't need additional sources of negativity to push us to our breaking point. Surprisingly the incident on Friday made me laugh at that moment, which was a testament to how much I have grown, and how much I refuse to let negativity curtail my joy. However, afterward I thought long and hard about whether or not I should maintain the open lines of communication, and if so, to what extent? I have to establish my mental boundaries and recognize when the negativity is starting to creep up from this person.

I think the worse thing about the whole situation is having someone who praises you in one breath, then discourages you with the next breath. People may mean well, but sometimes they have allowed their bitterness to creep into every facet of their own lives, that they feel the need to empty some of that negativity into yours. What's even worse, is when you bring it up and they claim that they are healed and have forgiven those who have wronged them and forgotten the tragedy and trauma, yet the evidence of their attitude and their entire outlook on life says otherwise.

The quicker you recognize these types of people in your life and either eliminate them or limit your communication, the faster you will recognize one of they are one of the sources of your discouragement, bitterness, and discontentment. It doesn't matter what your relationship is to/with that person: a lifetime of toxicity will result in your own bitterness and even your own demise. Remember that negative words have the ability to linger indefinitely and take a lot more time and energy to fight with positivity.

What are your sources of negativity? Will you make a pledge to yourself today, as a form of self-care, to reduce or eliminate those sources?


The Body Buffet creates handmade artisan soap, shampoo, conditioners, spa bars, beard care, body wash and more for Baltimore, the DMV, and beyond. We have been creating conditioning skin-loving, hair-loving, since 2009. Visit our shop at Marquita Johl is the soaper-in-chief and a self-care advocate. She has been crafting soap for eleven years.

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published

Back to the top